That's not the damn point.

Since My last entry I have paid the ticket and sort of excepted Chicago a tad been and been focusing on just trying be happy where I am at. That is until Yesterday. Daniella's job had started dicking her around when an issue came around with the building they are renting . The building has termites and is in need of being un-infested. so the café closed down. They have asked her to go and sell bread to local stores. Which is fine if she had a car. Had mentioned nothing of any kind of permanent job. So she decided just to go look for something else. Which is fine. I am looking for a part time night job. This state is shitty. I can't pay for everything working a fulltime job. I make just enough to pay all the bills and gas to work. Not including food.In the mean time I find out my job lost the contract for the state. So my days here are numbered.   I will work my ass off doing two jobs. It won't be the first time. That's not the damn point. I shouldn't have to work two jobs.


But for what? So I can stay in a play I don't want to fucking be. I am unhappy here. I really hate Chicago. I hate the suburbs even more. Fuck this shit. I don't know what to do. It's not easy to get a job anywhere. Even just some shit fast food job. I don't want to live here anymore. I am tired of doing shit I don't want to do with my life. One of them is living where I don't want to fucking live.

I have to make a plan and get off my ass.

Determination , self doubt , Fed up.

The Job at the desk has been going pretty well. I am a little bored with it to be honest. I am getting fat from sitting on my ass all the time. I went to a few Open mic/jams and play my guitar. No complaints front he people there. A few enjoyed it.

I got a ticket for wearing my headphones?!?! Wearing my headphone while driving. That's a bunch of horse shit. It's a 120 dollar ticket. This state is complete bullshit. I don't want to live here anymore. I don't like the area where I live. I don't like the city. The only thing I like about this place is the music and the Blues clubs-but to be honest that isn't enough. It's not fair for me to ask Daniella to up-root with current job. So far is has been going very well for her. She seams happy with it most of the time. She makes good money. I don't want to make her move and then us end up poor and her be un happy. I really don't like it here. I don't want to go back to Kentucky. 

I would love to go back to L.A. Maybe there is some where I would like better? I don't know. I look at photo's of L.A. and see people out there and I miss the place. Maybe I am one of those people that won't be happy no matter what I do?

Sweet Home Chicago.

Today is February 14th 2014. I had my 31st birthday last week. I am in a lot better situation then I was last time I wrote anything. I was staying in hotels and at my grandmas with Daniella off and on until October 2nd when I moved with her to Chicago. We stayed with her mom up Until January 1st. We have our own apartment and are both working. I started at Tony's finer food as a security guard. I got stiffed on ours from what I presume to be a racist supervisor because I am white. So I quit and got a job as a dish bitch at Fogo De Chao. I worked there a few months and had enough when I was working with this Black guy named Kevin who was an asshole. I now currently work at Applus as a Senior call center rep. Its really easy and boring. I have about 6 guitar snow. They are all really good.  I have been playing a ton and I have been writing a lot.

I went to a blues jam at B.L.U.E.S.  On Halsted. I had a chance to get up and play with some Legitimate old school bluesman. I failed. I didn't do it. I chickened out. You have no idea how angry I was at myself......



Chicago isn't bad. It has it good things and bad things like everything else. I live out in the suburbs. The downstairs neighbors are angry Polish people . Always beating the floor and walls and shit saying I make to much noise. Fuckem. I wanted to live in the city but shit happens. I only live about 8 minutes from the city limits though. It's not that I hate or dislike Chicago. I don't I would probably like it much better if I lived in the city, but I don't. Daniella has a really good job making good money and like most times in my life, I don't. Like I said I don't hate Chicago. I just miss living in Los Angeles. But with her job it would be stupid to move out there.

I have tried like to hell get some people together for a band here. I have tried three different genres of music even. I can't get shit going.

I miss my family back home. I really miss my dad. I haven't seen spoken or heard his voice since November 2009. I have been through so much since 2008. I know it all happened to prepare me or give me something to pull form or something. How do I use it if I can't even get on the stage and play the guitar in front of people. Much less sing.

I don't know. I sit at a desk 5 or 6 days a week on a computer so I will update this more with thoughts and what ever else.