That's not the damn point.

Since My last entry I have paid the ticket and sort of excepted Chicago a tad been and been focusing on just trying be happy where I am at. That is until Yesterday. Daniella's job had started dicking her around when an issue came around with the building they are renting . The building has termites and is in need of being un-infested. so the café closed down. They have asked her to go and sell bread to local stores. Which is fine if she had a car. Had mentioned nothing of any kind of permanent job. So she decided just to go look for something else. Which is fine. I am looking for a part time night job. This state is shitty. I can't pay for everything working a fulltime job. I make just enough to pay all the bills and gas to work. Not including food.In the mean time I find out my job lost the contract for the state. So my days here are numbered.   I will work my ass off doing two jobs. It won't be the first time. That's not the damn point. I shouldn't have to work two jobs.


But for what? So I can stay in a play I don't want to fucking be. I am unhappy here. I really hate Chicago. I hate the suburbs even more. Fuck this shit. I don't know what to do. It's not easy to get a job anywhere. Even just some shit fast food job. I don't want to live here anymore. I am tired of doing shit I don't want to do with my life. One of them is living where I don't want to fucking live.

I have to make a plan and get off my ass.

Determination , self doubt , Fed up.

The Job at the desk has been going pretty well. I am a little bored with it to be honest. I am getting fat from sitting on my ass all the time. I went to a few Open mic/jams and play my guitar. No complaints front he people there. A few enjoyed it.

I got a ticket for wearing my headphones?!?! Wearing my headphone while driving. That's a bunch of horse shit. It's a 120 dollar ticket. This state is complete bullshit. I don't want to live here anymore. I don't like the area where I live. I don't like the city. The only thing I like about this place is the music and the Blues clubs-but to be honest that isn't enough. It's not fair for me to ask Daniella to up-root with current job. So far is has been going very well for her. She seams happy with it most of the time. She makes good money. I don't want to make her move and then us end up poor and her be un happy. I really don't like it here. I don't want to go back to Kentucky. 

I would love to go back to L.A. Maybe there is some where I would like better? I don't know. I look at photo's of L.A. and see people out there and I miss the place. Maybe I am one of those people that won't be happy no matter what I do?

Sweet Home Chicago.

Today is February 14th 2014. I had my 31st birthday last week. I am in a lot better situation then I was last time I wrote anything. I was staying in hotels and at my grandmas with Daniella off and on until October 2nd when I moved with her to Chicago. We stayed with her mom up Until January 1st. We have our own apartment and are both working. I started at Tony's finer food as a security guard. I got stiffed on ours from what I presume to be a racist supervisor because I am white. So I quit and got a job as a dish bitch at Fogo De Chao. I worked there a few months and had enough when I was working with this Black guy named Kevin who was an asshole. I now currently work at Applus as a Senior call center rep. Its really easy and boring. I have about 6 guitar snow. They are all really good.  I have been playing a ton and I have been writing a lot.

I went to a blues jam at B.L.U.E.S.  On Halsted. I had a chance to get up and play with some Legitimate old school bluesman. I failed. I didn't do it. I chickened out. You have no idea how angry I was at myself......



Chicago isn't bad. It has it good things and bad things like everything else. I live out in the suburbs. The downstairs neighbors are angry Polish people . Always beating the floor and walls and shit saying I make to much noise. Fuckem. I wanted to live in the city but shit happens. I only live about 8 minutes from the city limits though. It's not that I hate or dislike Chicago. I don't I would probably like it much better if I lived in the city, but I don't. Daniella has a really good job making good money and like most times in my life, I don't. Like I said I don't hate Chicago. I just miss living in Los Angeles. But with her job it would be stupid to move out there.

I have tried like to hell get some people together for a band here. I have tried three different genres of music even. I can't get shit going.

I miss my family back home. I really miss my dad. I haven't seen spoken or heard his voice since November 2009. I have been through so much since 2008. I know it all happened to prepare me or give me something to pull form or something. How do I use it if I can't even get on the stage and play the guitar in front of people. Much less sing.

I don't know. I sit at a desk 5 or 6 days a week on a computer so I will update this more with thoughts and what ever else.

Its been too long.

It's been far too long since I have made a blog entry. I changed the name of this blog too.  It has changed a bit form what It once was supposed to be. I don't think anyone reads this anymore. That really doesn't matter. It is more for me than anyone else anyway. As I sit here in Barnes and Noble I am sick to my stomach.  My heart hearts right now. Your family can hit you, punch you , put you in jail , or stab you..... None of that ever hurts more than some vibrations of a vocal cord mixed with breath from the lungs going up the throw over the tongue past some teeth and turning into words.

My last entry was November 2011... So let's start from there. The only thing I remember of the last 2 months of 2011 is Christmas time. My Uncle Roger riggs and My Grandpa Charles Jackson was there. My aunt Patty Bruce , Charlotte Jackson and My mom Sharon Johnson and Grandma Marie Pridde were there too. My sister Spring Robinson and her three kids Jayden , Tristen and Deyonte. (she has four now, she has a daughter named Malaysia)My cousins Mitzi Skaggs Her husband Wendall and their kids. My Cousin Josh Jewel with his Wife and their kids. Cousins Tj Linton , Matt Linton , Summer Shelton , Katrina ( Can't remember he last name now) and her Husband Randy with their kid. I drove grandma from her house. It was probably the first ever Christmas gathering with grandma and grandpa and everyone there.  While i was in the bedroom with Wendall playing guitar a fight slash argument happened between my Aunt Patty my Sister and my aunt Charlotte. My Grandpa and mom got involved as well. Because Neither of them know how to shut there mouths nor walk away from anything. They are always int he middle of the commotion and its NEVER their fault. Always someone else. I cam out of the room from hearing what was going on and saw my Sister trying to get out the door with her kids. Both my Mom and my grandpa were trying to stop her from going and trying to get a last hug and kiss from my nephews. (which mom always does when her and my sister argue which is quite frequent and now I know where she gets it from) So i got to the door with Wendell and told grandpa "Just let her go and this will be over this is what always happens" Apparently I pissed him off. He grabbed for me , Over my sister holding a baby I might add, and grabbed my shirt and ripped open the snap buttons. I didn't say a word to him. Wendell grabbed me and told me to calm down. I said " Get your damn hands off of me I am calm" . To make a long story short Grandpa threatened to shoot everyone , mom ended up punching him , he kept trying to provoke me into fighting him ) I told him he was fucking crazy). My Charlotte came between me and him and told him to stop that he was crazy. My mom and My Aunt Charlotte as well as my sister get their retarded ass behavior from My Grandpa. So As well as being black listed from my dads family and being guilty by association I am black listed from my moms side. Except for my grandma my sister her kids and mom.

In March of 2012 I started working at Wendy's as a grill cook. I got the job from a friend's ( at the time)
sister that was a manager there. I worked there from March until December. My plans were initially to move to Chicago and get into music and theater. Nothing really significant happened while working at Wendy's in or 2012 just playing ym guitar and writing until November 2012. Daniella , a girl I had know since 2009 , moved down here from Chicago. We basically started dating the day she got there. Mom and my sister had been arguing the whole year of 2012 . Like they always do off and on. Its just a shitty vicious cycle that I always get dragged into.
December 2012 My mom Daniella and I started moving out of my sister's house and to a Trailer closer to Elizabethtown. Mom didn't tell my sister we were moving out. That started even more shit. But there are entirely too many times my sister got pissed off and told us to move out. When we got into the trailer in Glendale all the bullshit started with my mom. She is the most intolerant person I know. It something isn't her way, some one is different and does thing's different she is an ass about it. She started making comments and being a dick about things. All the way down to the way Daniella washed the dishes and her own clothes. Doing all this asshole shit behind my back and acting like she didn't do anything. From what I remember when I was little all mom did was throw everything colored whites what ever in the washer and just wash it. She didn't shit and put everything together in the dryer to. That,s why I started doing my laundry when I was 13. Daniella got a job from my sister at Subway. My sister went on maternity leave and they ended up pushing Daniella out. Probably because the assistant manager didn't like my sister and my sister and Daniella were friends. I didn't work much between February and April. I hurt my ankle and couldn't work at O' Charleys and ended up not going back. The comments and bullshit form my mom just kept getting worse. I got a new job at Brantley Security at the UPS Hub Airport. My first day was April 6. I went to work that morning and my mom waiting until I left. Started a bunch of shit with Daniella. She talked a bunch of shit on the phone where Daniella could hear it trying to provoke her. It Didn't work so my kept asking her what was wrong and started an argument with her. Daniella Locked the door . Mom called over her bull dyke friend Diane. They kicked in my bedroom door and began to physically remove Daniella from the trailer. They put her stuff in Diane's truck and was going to take her somewhere before I got back from work. I got texts form my mom , my sister and Daniella . Mom's text telling me a bunch of bullshit. I have been places where something happens and saw it with my own eyes and her tell a completely different story of what happened. I got off work and went to the trailer to pack my stuff and leave. Mom kept texting me and bother me. I kept telling her goodbye and to leave me alone. I quit answering her texts . So she came back to the house and started with me there since I ignored her. We argued and got into a scuffle she kept kitting me and jumping on my and I eventually threw her off of my twice. She smacked me and I told her " Stop fucking hitting me, I am not Gary McMillen or Greg Johnson Sr , I won't fucking take it, " She kept threatening to call the cops and put me in jail. She eventually left after starting this whole mess of shit. I packed my stuff and I left. She ended up going to karaoke. The cops ended up there and she went to the station and put an EPO our on me and the police filed Assault 4th charges on me. I ended up getting arrested spending a day in Jail. I am on 2 years probation.  I have to pay court costs , a lawyer , plus go to Anger management and family therapy with her. My sister and her both got in arguments with my grandma after all this happened. The anger management therapist said I don't have an anger problem. He said my problem is my family's destructive behavior.  Its a huge dirty vicious cycle. Yesterday 6/06/2013 my sister picked up my girlfriend form work. It's my nephews birthday. Daniella picked up Jayden a 25 dollar I Tunes card because my sister got him an IPod. Apparently that's not good enough. Daniella said money is a little tight. Which it is. I am living in a Hotel with no Kitchen So I am eating out more than I would like. My sister said if you didn't eat out everyday you wouldn't have money problems. Telling her how Daniella and I should be living and eating. It's no ones  business where I live or what the hell I eat. It pissed my sister off that Daniella told me. Mom asked me to help her move some stuff. She moved to anpartment out of the trailer. I told her not today because I wasn't in a good mood because I was tired of people telling me how to live and where to eat . She told my sister. My sister started a huge argument with me and Daniella. Told me she was going to beat Daniella up and Told me how she really felt about me. That I was a bum. I won't ever amount to shit and I'll be a dirt bag the rest of my life.


I am done.  I'm not doing this shit anymore. I am not being involved in all this garbage that happens all the time.

 I am moving back to Los Angeles when all this therapy shit is over. I was mentally , financially and physically better than I had ever been in my whole life. I am done with this state. I am done with all this crap and family garbage. I have no family. My family is the people i decide to let be around me. I'm done. I'll probably change my damn name too.

I am going to try and do an entry every week or so. I want to keep a record of everything for myself.

Wow

Well it has been almost a year since I have written anything. I would like to start doing a weekly Blog from Now on.
Well .... December 2010 I started working at UPA a utility company that installs water gas and electrical meters. I was making 22 bucks an hour. That was the awesome part. It wasn't easy at all, but twas nothing i could not handle. Thanksgiving and Christmas were pretty lonely last year. I started playing guitar again in july. I had an acoustic bass too but i had to sell the bass because Securitas wasn't paying me enough and i was starving. I was a serial killer in a short film with Christine and some of her friends. It was really fun. I don;t have a copy of it anymore my computer crashed. I had emailed Jeremiah to see if he could upload it again and he said yes but it never happened. No biggy.
January was more work and no play. Nothing memorable happened. February was my birthday. I went and got drunk at a hole in the wall on Hollywood Blvd. I went home around valentines day to visit for 2 days. Was great seeing my family. I decided on the way back on a plane ( my first plane right to be exact) that i was moving back home and headed to New York. I honestly Hate and still do hate Los Angeles. I won't ever move back there unless i absolutely have too. I worked at the water meter place up until March 31. I spent the last Thursday night at Christine's birthday party. It was fun. Shes a very spunky drunk. I woke up very early the next day. I slept in my car. I said my goodbyes to L.A. and started driving east. I was about 40 minutes into Arizona when mom called me and told em my dad has passed away. Now as I am typing this I am tearing up. But when she told me honest to god I could have no cared less. I felt like such an ass for not feeling anything. I didn't know how i was supposed to feel. Now let me remind you my father had not been much of a father. He was close to being non existent in my life. My Mom and grandma had raised me. The further I got down the road the worse i got i had to pull off the side of the road i was crying so hard. I just kept thinking you bastard how can you just die and leave me feeling like this and having too many un answered questions. Hes gone thats it. I had a rough 2 day drive back home. I stopped in Amarillo texas and slept at a best western then woke up and drove the rest of the way home. I drove until about 2am sunday morning. My aunt pam and Aunt shelia had lied to the courts and the hospital and told them they could not get a hold of me. Pam had saw mom a few days after dad went into the hospital and she knew moms number, mom told me dad was in the hospital. I thought I will be driving home next friday I will go see him then, I am a dumbass i should have called him. To make a short story out of it they had cremated dad and taken possession of all his belongings and lied to the court system. I never got to say goodbye to my dad. His ashes are in a wooden earn my grandpa made. He left me 25 debt infested acres and some burnt photos.

I moved in with my mom and my grandpa in Bonnieville, Ky. I had quite a bit of money saved up and was still driving the 98 Crown vic. My intentions were to leave within a couple months after dads stuff got straitened out. Well here is where it started going down hill. I was driving back from the court house in Larue County to Elizabethtown when some dumb ass lady pulled out in front of me and completely totaled my car. My poor nephew got his face burnt from the airbag. SO now i was car less. I did get money for it and got a new car. Well mom and I moved into my sisters house while she moved to Etown. I was doign a matress demo in Bowling Green when the engine in my blazer proceeds to go bad. There I am car less again. All the money I had was spent on taking care of things for dad and driving around trying to find a job. So now I am stuck in Ky with no car and no job.

My dog whom i Love more than anything got lose and some one shot and killed him. I love that dog, He was there when everyone else was gone. I wish i could find a woman to love me like my dog did.

In the mean time I did buy a guitar and an amp. I am playing guitar more and more than ever. It's not like i have anything else to do.

I simply don't understand woman. I have a friend I have went on ONE official date with. I won;t lie i do have feeling for her. She has a house and two kids. I met her In 2009. We have kept talking and in contact up until November this year. She knew I was moving back to KY and moving away. I had planned on going to NY but I got an agent located in Chicago. Alot fo great actors started in Chicago. So I am headed there. I will probably have to end up being in Ny eventually. Any here knowing all this kept pushing the issue of her and I. Well she got mad and won't talk to me anymore. I fuckin give up.

Now we are pretty much caught up to the current Month. I got an engine for my blazer. I put the engine in working my ass off int he cold and rain. I got to drive it and the brake line breaks. NO big deal easy Fix. I fix that then drive it and a transmission line has a hole it it. So i fix that. I drive to the gas station to air up the tires and wam bam thank you mother fucker the water pump snaps off the fank and pully and shots it through he hood and the radiator and blows a head gasket. What in the hell man. So to make a long story short ever since the morning I left LA everything has went wrong. I mean everything. I have a job finally. I will be in Chicago by The beginning of January. Nothing has all worked out. This is just a bunch of bullshit of how hard and shitty its been.

I am pulling the heads off of my blazer and putting some heads and new gaskets on it. I work friday sat and sunday 530 pm to 430 am. Monday I am gonna start on the blazer. It is about 2 AM right now. Regardless if the blazer is fixed or not January I will ride a damn bus if i have to. I have no future here in KY. I gotta get to Chicago.

Since I got back I don't have as many friends as I did. I know in the past year I have grown and became different. I dress differently. I have long hair now.


Well I hope i can remember to write this thing every week.

Lonely

Some times i feel like a huge loser. I really don't have any friends here. When i don't work i sit in my room watching tv or on my my computer. Sometimes i sit a Starbucks on hollywood blvd. I work at a night club on Hollywood and Highland. It is called the Highlands. I wear a black suit and its pretty sweet. When fights break out we are supposed to intervene and throw them out. There are alot of other dudes there its pretty cool.

I need to start working out again. Im not gonna worry about lifting weights im gonna just do alot of cardio. blah blah blah im depressed...................................

Melrose and Western.

Since my last entry I became friends with a guy named Jared. He is a writer from Wisconsin. Hes a pretty cool guy. I bought an acoustic bass and began playing again. I lived in the crazy house until the end of October. I had to get out of there. There was a nerdy guy named Joel that liked to talk shit. I told him a few choice words. Then i left a week or so later. I live in a basement apartment near melrose and western on melrose. Its my own room atleast. I share the place with an older women , some wierd guy and two gay dues. The gay dudes are an item. September 28 i filmed my first Big tv thing. I was on an experiment of Dr Phil. I played a perp who allegedly broken into a sound stage. With another guy who played a security guard. We walked up to a few chosen people to see who would taze me. It was pretty cool. I got free food and coffee and stuff when i got there. It aired on National tv Oct 25. I'm stilling working at Securitas at Universal Studios. It has slowed down very much. Im not getting many hours. I got a part time job at a Korean night club. I worked one night. It was pretty cool. I got called yesterday by The Highlands Hollywood. Its a nightclub in hollywood. I got hired as bouncer. I get to wear a suit and tie. I am looking forward to it. I miss my dogs alot. I feel like i abandoned them. I hope i can get them moved out here soon. I miss grandma and mom my sister and my nephews.. I really never thought i would say this but i really really. I can not wait to go back and visit E-town. Since being here by myself ive been getting depressed some. I go to movies and do a lot of things by myself. Its been a little hard making friends here. That's my fault thought , I'm now very good at making friends. I don't to the friends I had back home very much. I call and they called and i call and they quit calling. I don't know. I wish i could join a gym. I would feel so much better working out like i used to. I miss working with Chris and Olymco alot. I have alot of really good memory's there. Chris helped me out alot over the years. I will return the favor when i can. After all that's what friends do. The hard part in all of this is finding steady work and not starving. I lived in my car for a week so i could save the money to get into this new room. I just gotta keep on keepin' on.......................

Journal it all.

Well it is 306 am saturday. I am no longer in west Hollywood. I moved from roberts to christines for ten days. then to a hotel for a week crack head hotel ran by an Indian guy. there were bugs int he fucking room. it smelled terrible. i liked being at christines. i was comfortable there. i fucked that up. i got drunk and acted retarded. before that i didint tell her i was leaving and she called when she found out i was gone. on the voicemail she left i could tell she was pretty upset. then august 8th i moved into a house in the valley. Big mistake that was . Little did i know there are 20 people living in this house now. I am sharing a bedroom with 5 other dudes. Chaz a singer/actor. JC a comedian/actor. Mike is a whacked out musician. Ricardo is an illegal alien. Robert and his wife. Some old Argentinean people. Justin and chenoa are junkies. Rick is an old guy who paints numbers on sidewalks in front of houses. Niki is a special effects make up artist. Tamara is a weird Jew lady. Norman never says a fuckin word. hes the wierdest of all. i am moving to north hollywood in sep. im gtonna stay in some ladies living room for 300 bucks a month for a few months. them i am going to move back to west hollywood. fuck the valley.

something i just wrote.

I wake up every morning
2000 miles from home
i keep asking god
what the hell have i done wrong.
i feel I was delt
a pretty lousy hand.
i always feel like
im running down the beach in wet sand.



a women i knew i loved
stomped on my heart
I couldnt handle it
and fell all apart.
i got back up
dusted off my pants.
got my shit together
made my head make perfect sense.


I take the back road
a path not many take.
i always remind myself
everytime i wake.
i do my best work
with my back against the wall.
i bounce back up
everytime i take a fall.
Its a long shot
ill give my sweat and tears
im gonna give it all ive got
gonna squash all those fears.


Ive been greasy the
past six years.
didint try to get out
was held back by my fears.
I was left alone
Thoughts all to myself.
Had time to pull
my dreams off dusty the shelf.
im pretty stubbord
my head is very thick
you can say what you want
to me but i wont give a shit

I take the back road
a path not many take.
i always remind myself
everytime i wake.
i do my best work
with my back against the wall.
i bounce back up
everytime i take a fall.
Its a long shot
ill give my sweat and tears
im gonna give it all ive got
gonna squash all those fears.

I am no longer a bum...............

Well I have now a job. I will officially start is august. I will be turning wrenches again. Not really what i wanted to do but it has paid the bills for the past six years in Kentucky I am sure it will do it for as long as i need it to here. I need to find a a place to live so i can get out of roberts hair. A little bird told me that The Valley (where ever the fuck that is) is a nice place and its cheaper so thats where im headed.

I am really excited about what i am envisioning for my future. Everything that is happening is just baby steps toward my dream. I can't wait to get back into the gym and back into my routine that i have going. I actually miss the gym. I have lost more weight since ive been here. None of my pants fit they are all to big. My belts are all to big. So one of the first things i need to do after i get my first few paychecks is purchase some new clothes. I dont know how many people actually read this thing. Hell i dont know if anyone reads it. I want to continue doing it so i will sorta have something to look back on and read and be like damn i remember that. Hopefully years from now after im nominated for my first Oscar. Ohh yeah i will be nominated its only a matter of time.

Excepting something that happened and getting over it is a very hard thing to do. Alot harder then i thought it would be. I know what mistakes i made the last time and the beautiful thing about mistakes is if you pay enough attention you learn from them and dont do them again. Ohh believe i learned. They wont happen this time!!!!

Ive called myself white trash for a long time know. People get shitty or say i should down myself and stuff or laugh like its all funny and shit. Well i stumbled across this the other day . And im sure this sums it all up!!!


"Being white trash has taught me a lot about being a thankful person. Thankful for food in my belly, whatever it is, for a roof over my head even if it's blue, and for a TV that works (in colour even!). My parents always made sure we were dressed (even if they could never keep shoes on us) healthy, and fed. They always paid their own way, never imposing upon welfare and food stamps because they knew we didn't need it.

My childhood rocked. Being white trash is awesome--it builds character, self-awareness, and a feeling of family unity. You learn not to judge who you are based on what you have (or don't have) but on who you are as an actual person. It teaches you to get by and be glad that you're alive, to never take more than you need and to live within your means, something I've appreciated in my self-sufficient adult years.

If the trade-off to knowing these things and to being an independent, happy person today is being white trash growing up, then, hey, I'm all for it.

I'm white trash and lovin it."

That sums it all up!!

I have been listening to alot of country music lately. There are actually alot of real country artists out right now. Not the pop country Keith Urban shit thats out. Justin moore is one of them. Just a country boy and an acoustic guitar singing about life. Actual rednecks and country boys with nothing but a guitar and a southern twang. I am gonna pick up the six string guitar again. I have been writing a little bit lately i sort of have a reason to. as much as i hate to admit it and for years ive ran from it and hell when i was thirteen i basically got rid of my southern accent that i had. I am part redneck and i know i have a little country boy in me. when someone says lets fight or disrespects my woman i dont say a damn word i just stand up and throw down the fistacuffs ! I love drag racing . I am a hell of a driver i can throw down with the best of them. I miss going through the mud and woods in my blazer. i am a complete gearhead . I dont mind getting dirty and i am one of the hardest working people you will ever meet. hell i even like riding horses. i have excepted it you can take the boy out of the country but you cant take the country out of the boy.

all in all stuff is going well. My patience is paying off a bit. I really like it here. I dont want to leave anytime soon, Except to go home and visit. I miss my friends and family. I havent slept well for the past year really. I know why but im not gonna share it on here sorry. Its frickin day light i should be sleeping,.



Penso che senta a duro e ho colpito la mia testa e si sono fatta ritardato!!

Yes Ma'am im stuck in elevator 2 on the first floor.

I have not written a blog in god know's how long. So here goes. Since we have last spoken i have now relocated to Los Angeles California YAY FOR ME. I have been staying with my korean home slice Mr Asian Mario Lopez Himself ..... Robert Hatfield. on June the second i purchased my grandpas `1998 Ford Crown Victoria. Loaded up what little of my stuff I had left. Said goodbye to my dogs and my family and friends, and headed west, but now without alot of emotions being involved. I hade a 2200 mile trip ahead of me and a hell of a trip it was. I saw alot of native american's some cool desert scenery. I went through Illinous , Missouri , Oklahoma , Texas , New mexico , Arizona and landed in West Hollywood. The last few weeks have been spent mostly job searching. I got my California Guard card. Ive had a couple interviews and put an arseload of applications in. I met a couple really awesome people since I have been here. Ridden and walked all over most of west hollywood. Driven to burbank and Van Nuys. Went to the ghetto once. Helped Robert fix his car. I have taken any classes or been to any auditionms yet. I did submit for some stuff online though. I am getting some professional headshots soon so i can trudge forward. Saw a lot of crazy homeless folks. Some normal homeless folks. and some people that are just crazy. I guess that pretty much somes it up until today.

Today I woke up aroound 9:30 ish? I hopped on my Computer and played on it for a while. I looked for places to get a job. I found a few so i got in my car and drove to wilshire and went inside the building and went up the elevator to suite this security place is in. She proceeded to tell me that " Due to company policy she can not give me an application to fill out because you are wearing a t-shirt". Im like wtf??? So I said thank you and turned around and walked out. That kind of stupid to me but hey I am from Kentucky. I got into the elevator pushed number 1 and it shut the doors and started going down. When it hit the sixth floor it jerked and stopped for about two seconds then kept going, so it landed on number one and as i waited for the doors to open. Nothing happened. So being mister fix it after about five minutes I looked at all the pushign started pushing them all and cursing at it and still....... nothing happened. So I hit the telephone button and it rang to some outside elevator stuck person service and i told her what was going on. She then contacted security and they came on knocked on the door to see about me and i said hey im in here and waited. Then the damn thing went up to the second floor and let me out. Wierd stuff. So i went down down a different elevator. Im no dummy you arent gonna get me stuck twice. And get the hell out of there. The i went to a strip club to put an application in and drove back to the apartment. Crappy day but hey atleast im in L.A.

I am a Brilliant Actor!!

Its been a logn time. i dont know what to write. So i guess i will start with the snow.


It snowed. I am doing an actor showcase st the end of March. I will be performing The Zoo Story. I will be jerry and another Greg will be Peter. I am very excited about it. I will be driving my 94 Camaro Z28 cross country. Ive slimmed down quite a bit. By the end of the month im going to have to buy new belts. My laptop completely died i had to purchase a new one. I like it much better. i dont know what the hell to write it will be better next time i swear!

Music makes the world go round

I am not sure what in the hell i would do without music. I listen to music all the time. Especially at work when I am turning wrenches. When I am working out riding my bike driving what ever .

I should have asked what the difference in the methods of acting exactly are to Kaptain Kathryn (my teacher) . Honestly it never crossed my mind. I was reading a book tonight at Barnes and Noble discussing great acting teachers. It basically told the differences within the main three. I understand it a lot better plus I think Stella Adler fits me much better then Strasberg or Meisner.

Man my dang font keeps changing WTH?

So I am sitting at the mall one day and watching people walk by. why in the hell did they bring the 70's hair and 80's pants back? The hair's not bad. But the pants Are so tight the next generation wont be able to have kids because they are killing their nuts with such tight pants!!!!! I keed i keed.

Im going to see my first Live theatre even on Valentines day I am pretty syked on it. I will be watching The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams.

Its crazy how having a bad or weird child hood effect people so far into their adult hood. I know the way my dad acted and was not around , i have decided that when i do have kids I am gonna be the best damn father on the face of the earth no matter what it takes !!

Ask any of my cousins and they will tell you without a second thought that my family is absolutely effing nuts!!!

Ive got to develop a method or discover one to help me better memorize things. If i do live theatre I am gonna be in trouble if i don't.

I am glad that i kept my over active imagination form my child hood. I still sit and day dream and daze off just like i did when i was in school.

I must sleep weird blog tonight sorry. A lot of stuffing floating around in my dome.

One off the Bucketlist!!!

Well This past Sunday was my birthday.......... Lets just say if i had a bucket list and number Seven on the list was have the crappiest birthday ever!!! I could mark that one off. plus its the first birthday ever that I didint get anything.

For almost ten yea I've been trying to figure out what I want to be or even who I am ......after taking some classes and doing God knows how many different jobs and after becoming a professional automotive Tech. I now know what I want to do or even who I am..... I am an Actor! Acting is what I'm going to do whether it be film television or theater . This is what I am . Its glad to finally be sure of something.

I like to sit and people watch. Its cool how people have these little ticks and stuff they do with out even realizing it. Like how little kids act when they get hyper . They all act different. Like when my grandma wants to know something she wont ask it. She will just be like well Gregory i wonder and kinda dance around it.

This year is off to a crappy start it must get better..........

"Either I act or I die." Al Pacino

Heeeeyyy!! I have been sitting on my butt almost three weeks. It is about to drive me completely crazy. Craziness will only help me come to think of it. I think Sean Connery said it best when he said "As an actor , you need to make a complete ass of yourself". I think that is totally true.

I guess this is a place where I get thing out that have been on my mind. Possibly discuss things that bother me. Like most males of my generation. I have a lot of father baggage. He was never around and told me lies and blah blah blah the normal sorry bastard father stuff. I think that kind of effected me some. In both good and bad ways. That's all I've got to say about that.

I keep talking about this. I know its probably annoying ,but I have this drive that's either puching or pulling me to Los Angeles. I don't know. I have never in my life felt such urge that i needed to do something. Honestly i dont care what I have to do to get there. I will take a bus and live in a hotel if i have to with nothing....

I definitely want to find some cool places to hang out when im cooling my jets. I have a book called "Acting is Everything an Actors Guidebook for a Successful Career in Los Angeles".
It has a list of hangouts , Talent Agencies , things to do , even dentists and doctors. I think I should take some martial arts classes and possibly some yoga so i can do some of my own stunts. I am hoping that since I don't strictly have an acting background it will give me resume a little color. I have had jobs in everything from food service to manufacturing to auto mechanics to building houses. Mostly blue collar jobs. I'm sure with enough research and a lot of stubbornness I will be able to be anything!!!!!

I am about a month behind on my budget. Come hell or high water...... I will be in Los Angeles by spring time. Woohooo

Did you hear that? Duuuude that was my head ahhehehe!!

Hello. After two weeks of not working and lying around sleeping and such...........I don't feel half bad. I have been thinking alot , which i seem to do a lot lately. I have developed a case of tunnel vision.

Ive got wheels again. The white S10 beater to the left!! Low rider mexican style.

I have been trying like hell to get into contact with people who live in Los Angeles. Most Ex celebs and current ones. Most of them kind of blow me off. Which is fine and understandable no hard feelings.


I need to concentrate on finding a place to live and a job now. I wish I had some friends moving with me. I think it would be a little easier. But i might be better off by myself. I have two short films I am auditioning for when he contacts me back. Also one feature length film im auditioning for as well. Im pretty syked on both of them. Not much else to say since ive been sitting on my arse for 2 weeks. I will say one thing though. Im sooo ready to get back to the damn gym!!!

Oh crap im gonna hit a cat swerve SEMI??? FU^%^%^*&^%^%%$###$# i hit a semi!!!

Well Monday night sucked. I rear ended a park semi . I got slammed into the windshield , the steering wheel, and my shoulder tore up the dash. Picture to the left. I feel crappy. I have a concussion and messed up wrist and ankle plus a sore body. I have physical therapy tomorrow and i hope something is found or what ever. Th Hardin memorial hospital is complete garbage. They didn't check anything but my head. Even though i informed them about everything else. The doctor's office is just as crappy they didn't even look at anything.


Why is it that i have female friends that i talk to when they are single. As soon as they start dating or talking to someone they drop off the face of the earth and i never hear from them?? I confuses me. Maybe I'm a douche bag? Nah that cant be it,

I have basically been sitting on my arse for the past week. I will be so siked when i can go back to work and the gym.

Not everyone that hangs out in a bar is a jerk of douche bag. I have met a couple people in a bar that were pretty cool. Probably make good friends. You can never have to many good friends.

I need to either fix my car or truck that I have or buy something else so i can get on my 2200 mile drive to California.

I have been thinking about acting a lot this week. Big surprise huh.!?!?! I want to have a large range. I dont want to be a one dimensional actor. Hell 2 or 3 even. I want to be able to be the nice guy next door. The jealous women beater white trash guy .The serial killerthat dresses up liek a clown . The lunatic homeless guy who talks to floating turds. Even the most spectacular Joker that the Batman has ever matched wits with. I don't know how im gonna be able to do this. Yet. I will figure it out. Mark my words. Its on!!

Son's Of Scottland I am William Wallace. IVE GOT BUSH

How is it hanging? First off Eric is a liar I am real . Atleast i think I am. Well the past five days haven't been to eventful. I attended an introductory Thia Chi Class. (sp?) Class Saturday went great i love going to my class. I actually look forward to it all week. I read my monologue that i had memorized and practicing. I think i can confidently say that i nailed it minus a few accent vowel pronunciation screw up's. I am so siked on acting right now it's not even funny. I will no doubt work my ass off harder for this then i have any other thing in my whole life.

I realized i really really really like the green tea latte from Starbucks. It is Excellent stuff. I am sitting at Barnes and Noble typing this and drinking on right now. I got in contact with a friend who i hadn't hung out with for probably five years. We went to Phoenix Hill last night. I met a few cool people. There was a girl there way to drunk to be there. I know everyone in the bar saw her bush at least seventeen times. I tried to take photo's for you guys with my phone but alas it was to dark. Anyway there is a perfectly good bush in the upper left hand corner. Go ahead look up there.... a little further..... there you go........... BUSH.

I have contacted a guy about a ten minute short film he is shooting. I am hopefully after sitting down with him and auditioning will be playing the role of Jack. He is an editor/ publisher. A clean cut "suit" per say. It's only a ten minute short film but shoooot I am excited about it.


Kathryn (my acting coach) Made a comment Saturday after class. It was nothing but positive but for some reason in my head grasping those words and having them associated with me just kind of messes up my head some. I dunno }=O) I have been watching so many movie's here lately that i cant remember half of the one's i have watched. I have kind of decided that i don't want to do a lot of comedy. I would rather do dramatic or action movie's. I wouldn't be opposed to other thing's. But you know. I think I have came quite far in the past few months with my acting . I feel more confident. I still have aways to go but i am definitely feeling pretty pretty good.

Some soul searching......chinese food.......and film's

Dear Mr Blog.
How the heck are you? When you read this read it as if you were Scottish , because when i typed it i was practicing my Scottish accent. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess just kind of soul searching of some sorts. I have been watching a lot of movie's big budget low budget indie. I just went to the movie's and saw the new Sherlock Holme's movie. An excellent flick. Robert Downey is a great actor IMO. I cant wait for the last Gerard Butler film to come out on DVD. I have heard nothing but good things about it.

I think i may get a second job at the McDonalds. I'm so excited about moving to the west coast and pursuing something worth a shit to do with my life.

I have been trying to get in contact with Kent Avenido. He is an actor form Elizabethtown and now lives in Los Angeles. Just to be in contact with some one from my nesxt of the woods trying to do the same thing I am. So far i have had no such luck.

My new years was a little boring but i still had fun. I got called an asshole by some random woman.

I have been watching The Godfather Trilogy for liek the one millionth-ed time. I love all three of those movie's. They are great.

I have an idea for a movie. I think it would be pretty funny. I have never saw a movie based in this location about these type of workers or any of the funny stuff that happens and it done. It would be great to see someone do it. Until next time I'm off like a Prom dress!!!!

After i almost died

I felt like i was going to die anyway. Laying in the floor shivering with the flu and feeling like death is creeping up on you is horrible. I missed the last two day's of work because of it. I feel much better now. My Christmas wasn't that great. I told my family i was headed off to California to pursue my dream. It was met with a lot of not give a shits and who care's. Not really what i had expected.

I am a little behind on the financial end of my California trip. I may have to leave a little bit later then i had expected. I will get there not shy far from my goal. I am looking for a third job. Yes i said third. I already have two , I suppose a third won't hurt. I gotta do what i gotta do. I have decided that I am going to grow a beard. Just for a little while. Not much else to tell since I've been sick. Soooooooo Greg Johnson out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!