Wow

Well it has been almost a year since I have written anything. I would like to start doing a weekly Blog from Now on.
Well .... December 2010 I started working at UPA a utility company that installs water gas and electrical meters. I was making 22 bucks an hour. That was the awesome part. It wasn't easy at all, but twas nothing i could not handle. Thanksgiving and Christmas were pretty lonely last year. I started playing guitar again in july. I had an acoustic bass too but i had to sell the bass because Securitas wasn't paying me enough and i was starving. I was a serial killer in a short film with Christine and some of her friends. It was really fun. I don;t have a copy of it anymore my computer crashed. I had emailed Jeremiah to see if he could upload it again and he said yes but it never happened. No biggy.
January was more work and no play. Nothing memorable happened. February was my birthday. I went and got drunk at a hole in the wall on Hollywood Blvd. I went home around valentines day to visit for 2 days. Was great seeing my family. I decided on the way back on a plane ( my first plane right to be exact) that i was moving back home and headed to New York. I honestly Hate and still do hate Los Angeles. I won't ever move back there unless i absolutely have too. I worked at the water meter place up until March 31. I spent the last Thursday night at Christine's birthday party. It was fun. Shes a very spunky drunk. I woke up very early the next day. I slept in my car. I said my goodbyes to L.A. and started driving east. I was about 40 minutes into Arizona when mom called me and told em my dad has passed away. Now as I am typing this I am tearing up. But when she told me honest to god I could have no cared less. I felt like such an ass for not feeling anything. I didn't know how i was supposed to feel. Now let me remind you my father had not been much of a father. He was close to being non existent in my life. My Mom and grandma had raised me. The further I got down the road the worse i got i had to pull off the side of the road i was crying so hard. I just kept thinking you bastard how can you just die and leave me feeling like this and having too many un answered questions. Hes gone thats it. I had a rough 2 day drive back home. I stopped in Amarillo texas and slept at a best western then woke up and drove the rest of the way home. I drove until about 2am sunday morning. My aunt pam and Aunt shelia had lied to the courts and the hospital and told them they could not get a hold of me. Pam had saw mom a few days after dad went into the hospital and she knew moms number, mom told me dad was in the hospital. I thought I will be driving home next friday I will go see him then, I am a dumbass i should have called him. To make a short story out of it they had cremated dad and taken possession of all his belongings and lied to the court system. I never got to say goodbye to my dad. His ashes are in a wooden earn my grandpa made. He left me 25 debt infested acres and some burnt photos.

I moved in with my mom and my grandpa in Bonnieville, Ky. I had quite a bit of money saved up and was still driving the 98 Crown vic. My intentions were to leave within a couple months after dads stuff got straitened out. Well here is where it started going down hill. I was driving back from the court house in Larue County to Elizabethtown when some dumb ass lady pulled out in front of me and completely totaled my car. My poor nephew got his face burnt from the airbag. SO now i was car less. I did get money for it and got a new car. Well mom and I moved into my sisters house while she moved to Etown. I was doign a matress demo in Bowling Green when the engine in my blazer proceeds to go bad. There I am car less again. All the money I had was spent on taking care of things for dad and driving around trying to find a job. So now I am stuck in Ky with no car and no job.

My dog whom i Love more than anything got lose and some one shot and killed him. I love that dog, He was there when everyone else was gone. I wish i could find a woman to love me like my dog did.

In the mean time I did buy a guitar and an amp. I am playing guitar more and more than ever. It's not like i have anything else to do.

I simply don't understand woman. I have a friend I have went on ONE official date with. I won;t lie i do have feeling for her. She has a house and two kids. I met her In 2009. We have kept talking and in contact up until November this year. She knew I was moving back to KY and moving away. I had planned on going to NY but I got an agent located in Chicago. Alot fo great actors started in Chicago. So I am headed there. I will probably have to end up being in Ny eventually. Any here knowing all this kept pushing the issue of her and I. Well she got mad and won't talk to me anymore. I fuckin give up.

Now we are pretty much caught up to the current Month. I got an engine for my blazer. I put the engine in working my ass off int he cold and rain. I got to drive it and the brake line breaks. NO big deal easy Fix. I fix that then drive it and a transmission line has a hole it it. So i fix that. I drive to the gas station to air up the tires and wam bam thank you mother fucker the water pump snaps off the fank and pully and shots it through he hood and the radiator and blows a head gasket. What in the hell man. So to make a long story short ever since the morning I left LA everything has went wrong. I mean everything. I have a job finally. I will be in Chicago by The beginning of January. Nothing has all worked out. This is just a bunch of bullshit of how hard and shitty its been.

I am pulling the heads off of my blazer and putting some heads and new gaskets on it. I work friday sat and sunday 530 pm to 430 am. Monday I am gonna start on the blazer. It is about 2 AM right now. Regardless if the blazer is fixed or not January I will ride a damn bus if i have to. I have no future here in KY. I gotta get to Chicago.

Since I got back I don't have as many friends as I did. I know in the past year I have grown and became different. I dress differently. I have long hair now.


Well I hope i can remember to write this thing every week.

Lonely

Some times i feel like a huge loser. I really don't have any friends here. When i don't work i sit in my room watching tv or on my my computer. Sometimes i sit a Starbucks on hollywood blvd. I work at a night club on Hollywood and Highland. It is called the Highlands. I wear a black suit and its pretty sweet. When fights break out we are supposed to intervene and throw them out. There are alot of other dudes there its pretty cool.

I need to start working out again. Im not gonna worry about lifting weights im gonna just do alot of cardio. blah blah blah im depressed...................................

Melrose and Western.

Since my last entry I became friends with a guy named Jared. He is a writer from Wisconsin. Hes a pretty cool guy. I bought an acoustic bass and began playing again. I lived in the crazy house until the end of October. I had to get out of there. There was a nerdy guy named Joel that liked to talk shit. I told him a few choice words. Then i left a week or so later. I live in a basement apartment near melrose and western on melrose. Its my own room atleast. I share the place with an older women , some wierd guy and two gay dues. The gay dudes are an item. September 28 i filmed my first Big tv thing. I was on an experiment of Dr Phil. I played a perp who allegedly broken into a sound stage. With another guy who played a security guard. We walked up to a few chosen people to see who would taze me. It was pretty cool. I got free food and coffee and stuff when i got there. It aired on National tv Oct 25. I'm stilling working at Securitas at Universal Studios. It has slowed down very much. Im not getting many hours. I got a part time job at a Korean night club. I worked one night. It was pretty cool. I got called yesterday by The Highlands Hollywood. Its a nightclub in hollywood. I got hired as bouncer. I get to wear a suit and tie. I am looking forward to it. I miss my dogs alot. I feel like i abandoned them. I hope i can get them moved out here soon. I miss grandma and mom my sister and my nephews.. I really never thought i would say this but i really really. I can not wait to go back and visit E-town. Since being here by myself ive been getting depressed some. I go to movies and do a lot of things by myself. Its been a little hard making friends here. That's my fault thought , I'm now very good at making friends. I don't to the friends I had back home very much. I call and they called and i call and they quit calling. I don't know. I wish i could join a gym. I would feel so much better working out like i used to. I miss working with Chris and Olymco alot. I have alot of really good memory's there. Chris helped me out alot over the years. I will return the favor when i can. After all that's what friends do. The hard part in all of this is finding steady work and not starving. I lived in my car for a week so i could save the money to get into this new room. I just gotta keep on keepin' on.......................

Journal it all.

Well it is 306 am saturday. I am no longer in west Hollywood. I moved from roberts to christines for ten days. then to a hotel for a week crack head hotel ran by an Indian guy. there were bugs int he fucking room. it smelled terrible. i liked being at christines. i was comfortable there. i fucked that up. i got drunk and acted retarded. before that i didint tell her i was leaving and she called when she found out i was gone. on the voicemail she left i could tell she was pretty upset. then august 8th i moved into a house in the valley. Big mistake that was . Little did i know there are 20 people living in this house now. I am sharing a bedroom with 5 other dudes. Chaz a singer/actor. JC a comedian/actor. Mike is a whacked out musician. Ricardo is an illegal alien. Robert and his wife. Some old Argentinean people. Justin and chenoa are junkies. Rick is an old guy who paints numbers on sidewalks in front of houses. Niki is a special effects make up artist. Tamara is a weird Jew lady. Norman never says a fuckin word. hes the wierdest of all. i am moving to north hollywood in sep. im gtonna stay in some ladies living room for 300 bucks a month for a few months. them i am going to move back to west hollywood. fuck the valley.

something i just wrote.

I wake up every morning
2000 miles from home
i keep asking god
what the hell have i done wrong.
i feel I was delt
a pretty lousy hand.
i always feel like
im running down the beach in wet sand.



a women i knew i loved
stomped on my heart
I couldnt handle it
and fell all apart.
i got back up
dusted off my pants.
got my shit together
made my head make perfect sense.


I take the back road
a path not many take.
i always remind myself
everytime i wake.
i do my best work
with my back against the wall.
i bounce back up
everytime i take a fall.
Its a long shot
ill give my sweat and tears
im gonna give it all ive got
gonna squash all those fears.


Ive been greasy the
past six years.
didint try to get out
was held back by my fears.
I was left alone
Thoughts all to myself.
Had time to pull
my dreams off dusty the shelf.
im pretty stubbord
my head is very thick
you can say what you want
to me but i wont give a shit

I take the back road
a path not many take.
i always remind myself
everytime i wake.
i do my best work
with my back against the wall.
i bounce back up
everytime i take a fall.
Its a long shot
ill give my sweat and tears
im gonna give it all ive got
gonna squash all those fears.

I am no longer a bum...............

Well I have now a job. I will officially start is august. I will be turning wrenches again. Not really what i wanted to do but it has paid the bills for the past six years in Kentucky I am sure it will do it for as long as i need it to here. I need to find a a place to live so i can get out of roberts hair. A little bird told me that The Valley (where ever the fuck that is) is a nice place and its cheaper so thats where im headed.

I am really excited about what i am envisioning for my future. Everything that is happening is just baby steps toward my dream. I can't wait to get back into the gym and back into my routine that i have going. I actually miss the gym. I have lost more weight since ive been here. None of my pants fit they are all to big. My belts are all to big. So one of the first things i need to do after i get my first few paychecks is purchase some new clothes. I dont know how many people actually read this thing. Hell i dont know if anyone reads it. I want to continue doing it so i will sorta have something to look back on and read and be like damn i remember that. Hopefully years from now after im nominated for my first Oscar. Ohh yeah i will be nominated its only a matter of time.

Excepting something that happened and getting over it is a very hard thing to do. Alot harder then i thought it would be. I know what mistakes i made the last time and the beautiful thing about mistakes is if you pay enough attention you learn from them and dont do them again. Ohh believe i learned. They wont happen this time!!!!

Ive called myself white trash for a long time know. People get shitty or say i should down myself and stuff or laugh like its all funny and shit. Well i stumbled across this the other day . And im sure this sums it all up!!!


"Being white trash has taught me a lot about being a thankful person. Thankful for food in my belly, whatever it is, for a roof over my head even if it's blue, and for a TV that works (in colour even!). My parents always made sure we were dressed (even if they could never keep shoes on us) healthy, and fed. They always paid their own way, never imposing upon welfare and food stamps because they knew we didn't need it.

My childhood rocked. Being white trash is awesome--it builds character, self-awareness, and a feeling of family unity. You learn not to judge who you are based on what you have (or don't have) but on who you are as an actual person. It teaches you to get by and be glad that you're alive, to never take more than you need and to live within your means, something I've appreciated in my self-sufficient adult years.

If the trade-off to knowing these things and to being an independent, happy person today is being white trash growing up, then, hey, I'm all for it.

I'm white trash and lovin it."

That sums it all up!!

I have been listening to alot of country music lately. There are actually alot of real country artists out right now. Not the pop country Keith Urban shit thats out. Justin moore is one of them. Just a country boy and an acoustic guitar singing about life. Actual rednecks and country boys with nothing but a guitar and a southern twang. I am gonna pick up the six string guitar again. I have been writing a little bit lately i sort of have a reason to. as much as i hate to admit it and for years ive ran from it and hell when i was thirteen i basically got rid of my southern accent that i had. I am part redneck and i know i have a little country boy in me. when someone says lets fight or disrespects my woman i dont say a damn word i just stand up and throw down the fistacuffs ! I love drag racing . I am a hell of a driver i can throw down with the best of them. I miss going through the mud and woods in my blazer. i am a complete gearhead . I dont mind getting dirty and i am one of the hardest working people you will ever meet. hell i even like riding horses. i have excepted it you can take the boy out of the country but you cant take the country out of the boy.

all in all stuff is going well. My patience is paying off a bit. I really like it here. I dont want to leave anytime soon, Except to go home and visit. I miss my friends and family. I havent slept well for the past year really. I know why but im not gonna share it on here sorry. Its frickin day light i should be sleeping,.



Penso che senta a duro e ho colpito la mia testa e si sono fatta ritardato!!

Yes Ma'am im stuck in elevator 2 on the first floor.

I have not written a blog in god know's how long. So here goes. Since we have last spoken i have now relocated to Los Angeles California YAY FOR ME. I have been staying with my korean home slice Mr Asian Mario Lopez Himself ..... Robert Hatfield. on June the second i purchased my grandpas `1998 Ford Crown Victoria. Loaded up what little of my stuff I had left. Said goodbye to my dogs and my family and friends, and headed west, but now without alot of emotions being involved. I hade a 2200 mile trip ahead of me and a hell of a trip it was. I saw alot of native american's some cool desert scenery. I went through Illinous , Missouri , Oklahoma , Texas , New mexico , Arizona and landed in West Hollywood. The last few weeks have been spent mostly job searching. I got my California Guard card. Ive had a couple interviews and put an arseload of applications in. I met a couple really awesome people since I have been here. Ridden and walked all over most of west hollywood. Driven to burbank and Van Nuys. Went to the ghetto once. Helped Robert fix his car. I have taken any classes or been to any auditionms yet. I did submit for some stuff online though. I am getting some professional headshots soon so i can trudge forward. Saw a lot of crazy homeless folks. Some normal homeless folks. and some people that are just crazy. I guess that pretty much somes it up until today.

Today I woke up aroound 9:30 ish? I hopped on my Computer and played on it for a while. I looked for places to get a job. I found a few so i got in my car and drove to wilshire and went inside the building and went up the elevator to suite this security place is in. She proceeded to tell me that " Due to company policy she can not give me an application to fill out because you are wearing a t-shirt". Im like wtf??? So I said thank you and turned around and walked out. That kind of stupid to me but hey I am from Kentucky. I got into the elevator pushed number 1 and it shut the doors and started going down. When it hit the sixth floor it jerked and stopped for about two seconds then kept going, so it landed on number one and as i waited for the doors to open. Nothing happened. So being mister fix it after about five minutes I looked at all the pushign started pushing them all and cursing at it and still....... nothing happened. So I hit the telephone button and it rang to some outside elevator stuck person service and i told her what was going on. She then contacted security and they came on knocked on the door to see about me and i said hey im in here and waited. Then the damn thing went up to the second floor and let me out. Wierd stuff. So i went down down a different elevator. Im no dummy you arent gonna get me stuck twice. And get the hell out of there. The i went to a strip club to put an application in and drove back to the apartment. Crappy day but hey atleast im in L.A.